The little things we notice
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: A brother suddenly realizes the pain of letting go. (Ryousuke and Keisuke pairing)


**Fandom: Initial D  
Title: The little things we notice.  
Pairing: Ryousuke + Keisuke  
Rating: pg-13  
****Description - A brother suddenly realizes the pain of letting go. (Ryousuke and Keisuke pairing)**

**Disclaimer - Initial D doesn****'****t belong to me.  
**

Your wandering eyes  
regard something beyond my control.  
I can no longer keep you close  
because by now,  
you shouldn't be mine

Anymore.

**The little things we notice.  
By miyamoto yui**

I always thought that he'd be just right there.

It was like the time that I turned around and when we were playing games with the other kids on the street, I wondered how could he be so active. What did he do with people that made him so popular? How could he talk without thinking carefully about how people would react? Was this what it meant to be the second born and the youngest in the household? Did he understand my position at all?

He made me wonder if he could feel the pain that I felt when I grew up always having to be "perfect". He made all the "mistakes" while I had to be the one that did everything well. Well, he was just reckless, though single-minded. On the other hand, my "talent " wasn't talent at all, but persistence.  
In fact, he was the sibling that was better at everything. He always got things so easily while I had to practice constantly. Even though people called me smart, it was out of simple repetition marked with  
devotion. My brother, after a few kinks here and there, would get it out of true genius. Mine was just disguised with all the hard-work.

And even though we were racing together, I knew that one day he would surpass me. However, I never thought about the day that he'd grow up and leave me. Though he idolized me, I loved him beyond compare. I thought he was handsome, intelligent, and very charming.

My secret dream: I always wanted to be like him.

Why couldn't I truly feel comfortable? I was a stoic in social settings and when push came to shove, he was much better at expressing his emotions than I ever could. I was just good at explaining things with a consistent, logical reason behind everything.

So, when I glanced at that girl, why had my heart pinched by itself?  
I never knew jealously before.

I knew I was competitive, but I never thought that idolizing eyes of my brother could ever look at another human being. I guess I was so used to him always looking after me. Whenever I sighed silently, he patted my shoulders to let me know that everything was all right. That the pressure from being famous brothers with smart parents wasn't an obstacle, but an advantage no matter how much it pushed onto my back almost to the point of being a burden.

Why was it when I glanced at the girl and when he looked at her indifferently, it was still something that made me think even more than ever? Why did it hurt me more than it should have? Should it? Was it because my little brother had started not to call me all the pet names he used to give me? Was it because he started to pay attention to other things that had nothing to do with me?

Was he letting go of me now?

I wondered why these absurdities were crawling into my mind and especially into my heart when I knew perfectly that he would never leave me. He would always be beside me. No matter what would happen, we would stick together, even if there were people and things between us.

That was how close we were.

So, how come when he was staring at her without making an expression, it made me cringe deep inside? I knew my brother well, and that's why it was so painful to watch. He didn't know it yet: He liked her so much.

And I felt like he was leaving me behind.

Everyone always compared us together and always wanted to say without words that they thought I was the "better one". Whatever their judgments may be, I didn't particularly care.

To tell you the truth, I could have lost the games, I could have even given up my feelings for Fujiwara, but if you took me away from my brother…

That was the one thing in the world that would break me.

That would be the single thing to make me fall down on my knees and act like the human that I couldn't show to anyone or else I'd appear vulnerable instead of strong. He was the source of my strength.

I loved him very deeply.

So, if you take him away from me and you break his heart, I will kill you. Even if you're the one that makes the mistake, Keisuke, I will lose my cool and become someone that you never knew.

When?  
Where?  
Why are my feelings like this?

But I know more than anyone why.

You didn't care that I was a neat freak. You didn't care that I was too obsessed over racing. You didn't care if you raced with everything on the line in this game I wanted to play.

You didn't mind anything as long as I asked you. Didn't you know that was more than I could have ever asked you, Keisuke?

It was all I wanted. In fact, it was more than anything I expected, wanted, or needed from anyone.

But the same tongue that says things only when they're most significant, it is the same one that can't ever utter a word of how I truly feel about you.

It is deeper than any lover's words.  
It is wider than a sibling's affection.  
It is more complex than any strategy I've ever had to plan out.  
It is more profound than the meaning of my own soul.

Keisuke, I can't hold you back.

As I see you as watching her, I turn my head away while holding my head up high. I'm frozen to keep myself from feeling the pain or bleeding any more. I temporarily stop myself from going out of control when I will spill later on when there's no one around.

That's how it's always been for me. That's how it will always be.

I will hide behind my computer, a mask of indifference and superiority. And I know it isn't completely true. That's why you shouldn't try to be like me. You're too sincere.

You walk towards her while the necklace I gave you for Christmas glints under the setting sun.

I can't keep you forever as the little boy whose hand I used to hold when we were children, the little boy I kissed good night because he couldn't go to sleep without it, the same little boy whose eyes used to tell me I was everything.

But, you see, to me, Keisuke,  
You _are_ everything.

And you will always remain that way until I close my eyes and never open them again.

**Owari.**

**Author****'****s note: ** Initial D has been constantly on my mind and I've been playing it for hours at home. I finally beat Bunta, which was a total surprise 'cause I thought I was a total failure with the game. ^^v But seeing as I have a craving for more Keisuke and Ryousuke (when usually my appetite is for Ryou x  
Taku), I had to make a ficlet.

December 25, 2004, 4:21 AM


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